Crazyandbeautifullifewritings :)

Mientras me siento en la esquina de mi cama, pensando en lo que he sentido, lo que siento, y lo que no demoro en sentir, me undo en mis más íntimos pensamientos. Me undo en un nudo de sentimientos, en un hueco que al parecer no tiene fondo. Me undo en un ciclo infinito del ¨qué serᨠy un crucigrama de suposiciones. Me undo en mis sueños y felicidades. Me baño en mis desilusiones. Me mojo con sueños rotos, sueños que creé sabiendo que no eran remotamente posibles. Mi optimismo y perseverancia, características que siempre me han acompañado, se apartan mientras me baño ya que éstas saben que los aviones seguirán volando, el tiempo seguirá pasando, y la distancia siempre existirá. Mi vida, que se a basado en varios cambios de ambientes, amistades, y países, está a punto de girar nuevamente. Este giro, tal como lo preví hace un par de meses, está haciendo mi nudo de sentimientos girar y revolcarse incesablemente. Todo suceso en la vida ha de traer lecciones y aprendizajes. Este cambio, un mes antes de que suceda, ya me está regalando lecciones. Lecciones necesarias para continuar creciendo y madurando, pero está en mi que estas lecciones no vayan apagando la luz de optimismo que hubo, hay, y habrá dentro de mí.

This post deserves no number.
This feeling has no name.
These memories will have a meaning.
Oh I wish we could stay.

Eyes, mouth, laughs, hugs.

Kiss, dance, watch, say.

Kite, dreams, you, me.

Dreams fly, kites go high.
Airplanes wander through the sky.

Drops of Jupiter in her hair
Acts like summer, walks like rain
Listens like Spring, talks like June
Venus blew her mind.

Came back from a soul vacation
Tracing herself through a constellation
Sailed across the sun and back
Fell from a shooting star.

The wind sweep her off her feet
Danced along the light of day
Headed back toward Milky Way
Saw the lights all faded; heaven overrated

So

So tell

So tell me

Is she looking for herself out there?

I’ve been traveling through Vietnam and Laos the past 3 or 4 weeks. I’ve lost track of time, stress, problems, and anxieties. I’ve dedicated my time to get to know people from all over the world, getting to know the Asian culture which is so different than the one in China, and getting to know myself. I’ve gotten to know myself better while I’m getting to know more landscapes, cultures, languages, and dishes. It’s interesting; I wouldn’t had imagined that a trip to two Southeast Asian countries would have made me change my way of looking at life. But it did. Now I now what I want. I now feel I understand what life consists on, what living is all about; what uniqueness represents. I’ve met people who have been living with a backpack and a camara for more than 6 months, others who have been working for years in order to pay a similar trip which cost me way less effort. I’ve met people who are trying to find themselves and others who claim to know who they are and want. I flied to Vietnam thinking I was just gonna see some pretty mountains and rivers, take good pictures, and get tanned. I believed 4 weeks in South East Asia wouldn’t impact my way of life. But it has, and I’m glad it occurred at the beginning of 2012 because this trip makes me more ready to keep maturing into the person I wanna be.

:)

Yesterday I had the funnest date ever.

So, supposively on a date you go to either a concert, or the movies, or a restaurant, or a bar. Yeah, supposively :p. Yesterday I did the four things and spent 9 hours together anddddddddd I liked it.

I don’t know what I’m getting into, but I’m liking it.

This is a secret between me, tumblr, and whatever curious follower that reads it :D But I am, like, happy about this. It went wellll!

Peaceout, 

And enjoy your crazyandbeautifullife :)

So i get off the airplane and the first thing I see is a pollution cape covering the sky. Five seconds ago, when I was landing at the Peking International Airport, I was stunned by the huge grey cloud we had to pass through in order to land. Now, watching at the grey cloud and searching without success for a single cloud, I can see the long-lasting karma from below. This long-lasting karma is just an effect of past ignorance and selfishness with mother land. I look at it and one great conclusion is born: shit happens. 

I go in the airport, get my bags, and start to feel grown up, independent, and happy. I look for the money exchange cabinet and then cross towards my new home city, Beijing. I look for some friendly faces which would be waiting for me to take me to Beijing Normal University but I only find them five minutes later. I then wait for some other international students and then leave. From the people I met in the airport I just keep in touch with one, Mikael.
I get to the University in the nighttime but I am amused by the people´s kindness, the commodity of my dorm room, and the student atmosphere on campus. I decided to become a roommate of my hometown friend Lulo so we kinda settle down in our new room. That night we went to the supermarket, had some pasta, and said ¨ni hao¨ to all the people with ¨round eyes¨ who we thought may become our friends. After a week we had already met some people, traveled in the subway several times, done all the registration and Visa procedures, and eaten some weird-but-not-that-weird-when-compared-to-other-type of Chinese dishes. That upcoming weekend and week we went out, a lot, and a week later we started classes.
Classes were AWESOME. My classroom mates are from Hungary, USA, Korea, Sweden, Thailand, Japan, and Colombia. We’re only 20 people and the diversity is amusing. People are extremely nice, we are planning on going out and eating fun and interesting dishes. One guy asked me out this weekend so I’ll see what this is all about! I like the teachers and the teaching techniques. The second night I already had to memorize 24 characters. And we’re just getting started! … The rest of the free time is also fun. I now have a group of friends from the USA, The Netherlands, London/Nigeria, Philippines, Canada, Japan, Belgium and Colombia and we always meet up and decide where to eat or have some drinks! I just came from playing cards and enjoying a happy hour on campus and woo I love them and this place!! 
I have only spent two weeks here and I already feel I’m maturing and growing as a human being. I see things from a different perspective just because the topics and conversations we have involve many opposite points of views which allow us to further analyze and get to see the world differently. Each time I’m more against racism and discrimination. Each time I want to get to know more people from different places. Each time I’m hungrier for more points of views, more life experiences, and getting to know more cultures!

In conclusion, I like it here, I like ths change, and I’m having a wonderful experience!

I hoope all my followers are taking the most advantage from the crazyandbeautifullife :)

I’ll update soon. XO:)

If I had to choose:

I would prefer a bag full of candy rather than a dozen flowers.
I would prefer a cheesecake rather than a chocolate cake 
I would prefer to dance rather than to sit down and get fucked up 
I would prefer a smile rather than a hug 
I would prefer a love story rather than a scary one
I would prefer some shoes rather than some pants
I would prefer silence rather than a lie
I would prefer lyrics-on-screen rather than official video
I would prefer arequipe rather than chocolate
I would prefer honesty rather than fakeness
I would prefer distance rather than hypocracy
I would prefer intelligence rather than looks
I would prefer summer rather than winter
I would prefer eye contact rather than long words
I would prefer spice rather than sweet ;)
I would prefer running rather than walking
I would prefer helping rather than showing-off
I would prefer quality rather than quantity
I would prefer math rather than english
I would prefer “oh well” rather than “what if”
I would prefer stories rather than poems
I would prefer sun rather than snow
I would prefer tan rather than pale
I would prefer lessons rather than regrets
I would prefer reminding rather than forgetting
I would prefer a joke rather than a fact
I would prefer tumblr rather than twitter
I would prefer lacrosse rather than soccer
I would prefer videos rather than pictures
I would prefer few real friends rather than many superficial relationships 
I would prefer lyrics rather than rythm
I would prefer night rather than day
I would prefer hello rather than goodbye 

Waiting for inspiration to get to me,I find myself wondering about life. I wonder what’s real,what’s not,and what there is to really care about. For example;  emotions.Why would any individual fantasize about emotions if those things aren’t things at all. Emotions aren’t real,emotions are a product of some kind of chemical sent by the brain. Some kind of chemical which is consumed by the body and, seconds after it was created, it’s gone. Yeah, it’s crazy, insane, I may even say it’s a psycho fact we humans are born with. We came to this world thinking the most important thing to gain is other people’s infatuated affection. Well, dear tumblr stalker, I’m sorry if your biggest goal is to gain someone’s emotion. I’m sorry because that thing isn’t real.

Taking this point into consideration I reckon about love. Yeah, love, that feeling you have towards others. That sentiment you enjoy and then hate. That thing that brings you clumsiness, then smiles, then tears, then memories,and then smiles. Love, it’s no more than an emotion. And emotions, they’re no more than some second-lasting thing. So,here I wonder, what’s the thing that unites people for years and makes them share some type of uncondinionality. Maybe it’s not love. It’s probably not even an emotion. It has to be something real, some kind of dependence and unity. Something we confuse as love because society has targeted as l-o-v-e.

And just to make this post a tiny more contradictory, I will state that I believe there’s hope for the lovers, there’s hope for love, and there’s hope for emotions. Just,of course, I may also state that hope is an emotion. And emotion may be a thing that isn’t a thing at all…

We only use 10% of our brain…

Some say that’s a myth, a “widely-perpetuated urban legend” to be more specific, but right now I find myself wondering what humans would be capable off if we used a higher percent of that magnificent, mostly unknown, organ, and muscle, which we all take its use for granted. I just watched Limitless and I think it was an incredible movie. I’m shocked, thinking of moments when humans have the erronous impression of achieving a maximum potential, which it’s scientifically proven to be impossible. It would be sooooo cool if just a tiny higher percent of our brain was used and mastered. Who knows what type of planet we’d be living at. Who knows if we’d be having all these enviromental and social problems….

Let Me Tell You About My Situation

So I just graduated from High School, and oh Senior Year was the best high school year of my life! Now, in the first summer where I have absolutely nothing to do, I’ve been pretty chilled and taking life easyy. I’m getting tired of it so i’ll find some sort of Dance classes or something. My plans post-high school were the following: I was going to go to college as soon as I graduated or one year later. Why one year later? Because I applied to a scholarship at China and if I won it then I’d take a gap year and go to China to learn mandarin and travel around Asia. I applied to the scholarship with Lulo, a great friend. So the application process was pretty long, I had to do letters, recomendations, exams, etc and then send them to China. One week and a half ago my chinese teacher told me that Lulo and I had been accepted at Beijing Normal Univesity. That news was AMAZING!!!!!! The next step was to hear from the hanban company, which is the one in charge of paying the scholarship. Kevin, my chinese teacher, told us that this last step wasn’t difficult because Hanban’s purpose is to deliver scholarships. He said that the hard part was getting accepted at the university but we had been accepted so we were on the right path. Then, Kevin told us that he was going to go to China the day before we knew if we got accepted or not. The day when we would supposively get an acceptance or denial letter passed and we didn’t hear any news. We sent e-mails to Kevin and he didn’t reply. We e-mailed Hanban and everything but nothing was announced. In this moment I don’t know if I will be going to China or not, but the thing is that I don’t have an entire lifetime to wait! I actually have a short time because I have to tell my university, University of Toronto, if I’m leaving for a year or not. I also have to do all the Visa stuff and I can’t start getting the Canadian Visa and then stop the process. It’s so screwed and I’m pissed off with China and the Chinese and my Chinese teacher and the fucking emails because I have to know if I won the fricking scholarship or not NOW!!!!!! agh, I don’t know what to do. But meanwhile I’m just chilling… waiting for an e-mail which could never arrive.. and talking to some new college friends who are helping me make the whole course selection process as if I were going to UofT this fall. So that’s why sometimes I write or post something which says that I have nooo idea of where I’m going to be in a couple of months. Pretty screwed up right?

3am Thought

How will my life change in the next few months (first of all: WHERE AM I GONNA BE)? How different will my relationships be? Will the songs and movies I enjoy today bring me some kind of emotion tomorrow? Will the friends I now take for granted still be my side? For how long will my family miss me? Well, I mean, how long will it take for them to get used to having me away? How will my point of view towards smiling and crying be? What will I consider most important in life? I think the person I am today will, deep inside, remain the same. Either way, the experiences and lessons that my upcoming independence will bring are something that will impact me. There’s no doubt about that. In respect to my goals, how long will it take for me to accomplish them? Oh I have so many big and simple goals. For example, in the partying aspect, I know I will have all the opportunities to party like a roll star. But my goal isn’t that. My goal is to succeed in my career and become a serious woman. I don’t want to be a party girl who’s only objective is to have fun and give randmo kisses. Hell no, that’s not who I’m gonna be. Senior year and high school may have been enough. This is an important decision which has made me decide for University of Toronto. I hope I make good friendships with whom I can establish similar goals and objectives. I’m so excited for college and meeting new people and being independent. I’m so curious, yet naive. Eitherway, it’s pretty bittersweet, I wish I could take some important people from Colombia with me. Saying goodbye will not be easy, but OK, it’s a see you later… But anyways, I’ll meanwhile focus on enjoying and doing something fun this summer twenty eleven :D

Soy un laberinto sin paredes
el océano Pacífico sin arrecifes
una cocina sin fogón
y un sentimiento sin razón

Soy una verdad sin justificaciones
un caso perdido sin lamentaciones
una mentira con algo real
un juego, un chiste, algo especial

Tengo un futuro sin destino
muchos suenos sin sentido
muchas amistades ya perdidas
y pocas bien guardadas, bien mantenidas

Soy un fraude para el amor
para la distancia y el tiempo que ya pasó
Pero soy una dura para continuar
Continuo mis errores, y sigo aprendiendo más

Soy duena de historias interesantes,
Un par de secretos infinitamente extravagantes,
Cosas que con pocas personas he compartido,
pero cosas que como persona me han construido

Soy pésima para escribir,
Para decir lo que siento o a mí describir
Soy pésima para contextualizar
Las letras no son lo mio, no son algo que logré amar

Soy una persona de pocas palabras
y soy alguien verdaderamente feliz
Tengo muchas confusiones, mil y un ambiciones,
Pero no pararé de sonreir

Don’t Forget To Smile

Even if u don’t feel like it, smile. Think on all the things awaiting you. Think on all the memories which constucted u as a person. Think on all the people who have made u feel special. Think on all the mistakes which have made u stronger, and all the lessons you have now learned and won’t have to suffer again. Think on the dreams you have and the faith which will help you to catch those dreams. Think on your best friends and family. Think of your favorite song, your favorite rythm, and those awckard moments you’ve passed through. Think about it, and then you’ll be able to smile honestly.

???

Hi, nice to meet you. I can’t tell you exactly who I am cause I’m a little lost… I don’t know where I’m heading in life, what my true ambitions are, and I have jjust one major goal and that is to be happy. Yeah, to be happy, I know it may sound ridiculous but that’s all I want to be. And well, You want me to describe myself? I may be an ordinary girl, maybe not, i don’t even know:P.yeap this post can’t be more gay than it is now hahah i sound as a lost girl but truth is I’m not stressed about it. I feel this is the age to be in my situation, and I’m thankful for the opportunities I have in life. Maybe I go to Toronto, or Pennsylvania, or China, or idk where on earth but I know that in a few months I’ll be at the place that suits my convenience. I also know that  I have a few people with whom I may count on and with which I’ll feel safe. And I also know that distance aint an obstacle for a good relationship, not with my family or with my friends. SO, yeap, I’m lost and I have to make a VERY important decision NOW and it will define my life, but ok…. I’ll think about it tonight c:

For Your Information

There’s two type of personalities. The ones that speak everything, which are usually the ones who seem to suffer the most but get over things the faster. They’re the ones who may speak about their problems and cry in front of others. They seem to suffer more, yet that’s something I can debate about. The other type of personalities are quite different. These people hide their feelings and don’t have the courage to cry and confess. They are the ones who let many things gather up inside, and for them it’s harder to let feelings go away. These people smile, just like the others, but the sincerity of the smile they reflect is different and not quite as sincere as the first personality I mentioned